Thursday, May 28, 2009

I was approached by a drunk hooker

I was just approached by a drunk, blond hooker in her 40s.

I just left my friend's house, and I was walking up the street to catch my bus. I was listening to Bob Dylan on my MP3 player. All of a sudden, this hideous, skanky looking woman appears out of the shadows and walks up to me. She had straggly blond hair, thick, black eye liner, and tight pants. I pause my music and take out my earbud so I can hear her. She said to me, "Why the fuck are all these stores closed? I want a beer!" I commented that the store directly across the street from us was also closed. She said, "Well, they need to open the fuck back up because I want a beer!" As I slowly back away and attempt to escape, I said that one of the stores around here must be open. She muttered something about the store up the street, but I really didn't care. She asked me if I had a cigarette, and I told her I don't smoke. Then she asks me, "Well, do you have $1.50?" I told her that I just had what I had. And she turned and looked at me and said, "And what's that?" I said, "Enough to get home."

She continued to mutter something, and then proceeded to walk up the street in the same direction I was going. I walked behind her, far enough so I didn't have to associate with her. I put on my music again and continued to watch this strange woman in front of me, and Dylan's words were right on cue, almost as if this were a scene of a movie and his words were the soundtrack:

"And nobody has ever taught you how to live on the street
And now you find out you're gonna have to get used to it
You said you'd never compromise
With the mystery tramp, but now you realize
He's not selling any alibis
As you stare into the vacuum of his eyes
And ask him do you want to make a deal?

How does it feel
How does it feel
To be on your own
With no direction home
Like a complete unknown
Like a rolling stone?

As she was walking up the street, a blue car stopped and she ran up and got in the vehicle. The car drove for about 15 seconds, and then pulled up to the corner. The woman got out of the car and continued to walk up the street. As the driver took off he shouted, "GET OFF THE FUCKING STREET!"

I was already at the bus stop watching all this happen, and thank goodness she continued going in the other direction instead of turning and going my way. Two minutes later, the bus arrived, and I was relieved to be off the street. As soon as I got home, I called my friend immediately and told him what happened. He laughed and said, "You sure know how to attract them! People tell me these things that happen to them all the time. Nothing like that ever happens to me."

Great. Why do I have to attract all the freaks?